Postpartum ponderings part 1: how to keep the postpartum depression demons at bay

Sway, sway, sway.jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. Rock, rock, rock. Nothing was working. It was the first evening home with my newborn and he was crying his tiny heart out. In the deepest darkest depths of my brain, a dusty box swung open and the thoughts trapped in there began to eke out. Those thoughts turned into …

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Shame on YOU

I’ve got a bee in my bonnet. Well, quite a few bees actually. To begin with, it started off as one but they’re slowly multiplying and making quite the buzz so it’s clearly time to let them out. Warning: it gets a bit sweary. Here we go. In one of my moments of peak anxiety …

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The invisible load

It’s 10pm and all is quiet, except for the sounds coming from under the jungle-themed bedsheets. “No!” he cries out. Wakeups are normal in this house. Night terrors used to dominate our lives. This is different. This is a nightmare. This is new. He sobs a little in his sleep. I know why he’s so …

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Time to let go

I mulled it over. Was I really being negative? It didn’t feel like I was being negative yet the person across from me clearly felt very differently. I tried again. “It’s not that I don’t think he’ll ever speak, I’ve just stopped expecting it to happen. I’m not going to obsess over it anymore”. “But …

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Square one.

How did we get back here?How did we find ourselves in this hell again?What are we doing wrong? In the hollow hours in the dead of night, these thoughts began to emerge. Two hours into a non-stop scream fest with no end in sight, my mind had started to unravel. In the cold harsh light …

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We did it.

Even though the room was pitch black and I couldn’t see his face, I knew what was thinking. I was thinking it too. We can’t go. We just can’t. There’s no way. We were a week away from a long-awaited weekend away to Spain for a wedding. It was going to be our first and …

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The L Word

There it was again. That increasingly familiar feeling. A thawing, at first tingling like pins and needles but then it evolved, verging on painful. This feeling reminded me of the days when my classmates and I would huddle around the radiators in the changing room after P.E desperately trying to warm our numb fingers after …

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